Never Could Imagine

January 23, 2011

My day was goign well. I followed my normal routine just like any other day. It was about lunch time, so I decided to get some MCL. Many people had told me that sometimes your body will start to pee before letting you know you had to go! Lol. Well that's exactly what I thought was happening; except once I got to the bathroom I realized it was blood and a small clot. My husband took me to Mount Caramel East ER, so that we could see what was going on. That was an experience in itself. Not only did we have to wait 3 hours before being seen(it was ridiculously packed in there!), but they did NOT have an ultrasound machine anywhere in the ER! So they just did some blood work and a pelvic exam. The doctor did not seem confident in ANYTHING he was saying at all! After all of that, they told me to follow up with my doctor in the morning. Needless to say, I didn't sleep at all that night. My appointment was at 11AM that morning and I refused to get myself worked up before even knowing anything. Unfortunately, my assumptions were right. I had had a miscarriage. When the Ultrasound Tech told me, I was just kind of like "okay, so what do I do from here?" I held it together pretty well. I went to get my prescriptions, some heaviers pads, and some food. I mean I was good until I pulled into our garage. I started to pray. That's just how I was raised. I ended up just repeating "I'm grateful Father...I'm so grateful" and I just lost it. The tears began to flow and I felt completely helpless! I called my Mom and I don't know how I even got any words out.
Now here I am the next day with all types of mixed emotions. I broke down again this morning and Greg was there for me. My friend Ninah is awesome. She's helping me deal with it and is letting me vent to her. I just never thought anything like this would happen. Unfortunately it did, but I know God makes no mistakes! Once I'm cleared to become active again, I will be channeling my energy and emotions into working out! I'm very excited because my husband will be working out with me. We just got P90X and I just ordered some fitness things. I WILL be at least 30lbs lighter by my 30th birthday on June 11!!!

Stay tuned for more!!!!